Validating Emotions vs. Approving of Behavior (Part 1)

Part 1: The Heart of Understanding: Why Validating Emotions Matters

Introduction: Welcome to the first part of our two-part blog series on validating children's emotions and understanding the difference between validation and approval of behavior. There can often be confusion regarding this important topic. It's essential to understand the difference because emotional validation is a powerful tool in fostering healthy emotional development.

What Is Emotional Validation?

Emotional validation involves acknowledging and accepting a child's feelings without judgment. It doesn’t mean you agree with their behavior, but rather that you understand their emotional experience. Here’s how to apply it across different age groups:

• Infants and Toddlers (10 months - 2 years): A toddler may cry when a favorite toy is taken away. Instead of saying, “Stop crying,” you can say, “I see you’re sad because you want your toy. It’s okay to feel upset.” This helps them feel recognized.

• Preschoolers (3-5 years): If a child throws a tantrum because they want a toy, you might say, “I see you’re really upset because you wanted that toy. It’s tough when we can’t have what we want.”

• School-Age Children (6-12 years): If a child is frustrated with a difficult math assignment, you could say, “It’s okay to feel frustrated. Math can be challenging sometimes. Let’s figure it out together.”

Tips for Emotional Validation

• Listen Actively: Give your child your full attention when they express their feelings. Nod, look at them, and show empathy

• Use Reflexive Statements: Repeat back what your child says to show you understand. For example, “It sounds like you’re really frustrated about this.”

• Encourage Expression: Let your child know it’s okay to express their feelings. Use prompts like, “Can you tell me how you feel?” or an Emotions Check-In Visual.

Why Is It Important?

Validating emotions teaches children to recognize and express their feelings healthily. It builds their emotional intelligence and encourages resilience. When children know their feelings are valid and acknowledged, they are more likely to open up about their struggles— fostering a supportive environment.

Key Takeaways

• Validation is not approval: You can acknowledge feelings without endorsing challenging/maladaptive behaviors.

• Use age-appropriate language: Tailor your responses to the child’s developmental stage.

• Build emotional intelligence: Help children recognize and articulate their feelings.

In recognizing and validating emotions, we create a nurturing space for children to express themselves. This foundational step is vital for their emotional growth, laying the groundwork for healthy relationships and communication.

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